She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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