My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
