There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
