My hand turned me down
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
