after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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