Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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