ugly people sure do ruin things
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Is it penis luge time yet?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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