Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
