so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
