hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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