you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
