I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
