i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
