i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
