I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
