he shaved USA in his pubs
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
