i wish my penis had a tongue
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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