when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
