What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
