I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
