As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
