I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
