also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
