i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
