Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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