Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
