tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
