the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
