I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
