he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
