I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
