If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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