How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize