fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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