I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
