I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
