So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
