We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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