I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
