I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize