I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
