i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
