Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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