I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
