yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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