remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
