Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
