Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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