At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
