omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
