I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
