Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Welp...herpes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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