Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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