How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
