how can u be prego again
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Why can't burritos get me drunk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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