His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
