3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
