i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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