she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
