We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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