Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize