So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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