A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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