Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
