Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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