im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize