Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
