Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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