so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize