My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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