eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
