yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
