dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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