i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How does one acquire holy water?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
