Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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