someone threw a dead crab at me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
